defensive mechanism/thoughts against “too much”


I recently realized that in work and food I am a “defensive” player. Meaning, I eat proactively because I don’t think I can handle the feeling of being hungry and I don’t fully extend my abilities at work because I believe that I will get too overwhelmed if I have a lot of activity happening. I’m almost shielding myself from being able to fully feel either scenario. I totally give up, start, give up, start… exactly like your podcast. It was heartbreaking and exhilarating to hear you speak to “me”.

With IF I have been able to realize (slowly) that I can, actually, go without food. But the second I’m unconscious or distracted I go to eating because… well, what if I can’t eat for a couple hours??? (Dramatic voice in my head). I’ve had food allergies for over 10 years which I believe has contributed to the thought of “you better eat now or there will be nothing for you later”. For work though I can’t seem to find something that I can work on without getting really triggered/upset. I don’t get it.

My model looks something like this.

C Work
T If I work to my full capacity I won’t be able to handle the result that comes back to me. It’s too much.
F Paralyzed,
A Procrastination, Confusion, So unorganized
R Paralysis – don’t work to my full capacity

New Model:

C Work
T
F
A
R Productive, streamlined, focused, accomplish, exceed my goals

I guess the question is, what would I have to feel to be Productive, streamlined, etc. But honestly, I have no idea. I try “I can handle anything” or “I feel confident” but nothing is resonating with me. I know the key to my life at work is going to be generating this new feeling.

I want to be happy about work so that I can decide if I should change my career because I *want* to, not because I have to. And, I bet I’ll have the same feelings if I’m a coach and generating business for myself!