Defensiveness


Ok, so “defensiveness”. 🙂 Last night my partner and I were at a Broadway show and it was amazing! We left our box seats (which had movable chairs) for intermission and when we came back, the couple in front of us told us they thought we were in the wrong seats. Immediately, my hackles went up. It quickly escalated, my pulse racing, as I breathlessly explained to them we were in the correct seats and they could talk to the usher if they disagreed. The guy of the couple immediately looked up the theaters seating chart of the theaters and realized they were mistaken and quietly shared that with his spouse. My partner jumped in and started a friendly conversation, asking questions and telling them stories of our trip for the next few minutes until the show started again.

I knew the second part of the show would be ruined by my thoughts, so I quickly did some thought work…

“That should have happened exactly as it did. How do I know? Because that’s how it happened! Regret has no value but I can learn from this so I’ll think about what this was – and what I can learn from it – later on and just enjoy the show now in the moment.” And I did.

As an introvert, I’m usually very quiet but my pendulum swings to aggressive if I feel attacked. My thought, feeling, action was so fast in this situation – and other situations where I feel attacked (by strangers usually). What’s a good way to deal with defensiveness? How can I practice slowing down my thoughts in the moment so I can react with more thought and understanding and less hostility and aggression?

Any ideas to help this defensive introvert? 🙂