Delivering a paper


My impossible goal this year is about publishing and promoting my research. I’ve had some wins in terms of getting work published in written format, but I’ve now been accepted to speak at a conference and my brain is responding differently to it.

After doing a thought download I figured it’s because I’m already imagining delivering the paper and the audience members reacting negatively to it. When I publish something in writing, I don’t have to witness the reader reading it. In a live delivery scenario, I am finding it harder to disentangle what I can’t control (what other people think of my research) from what I can control (how I think about my research).

This is my Unintentional Model:
C: Accepted to deliver paper at a conference
T: My paper won’t be good and the audience will respond negatively to it
F: Anxious
A: Procrastinating on writing the paper; writing it in an unnatural voice (trying to make it ‘better’); not liking what I write; beating myself up over not being able to write this thing; imagine all the scenarios in which the conference could go badly; not looking forward to going to the conference
R: Don’t set myself up to write the best paper I can

I’d like to change this model so that I can write a paper that I am happy with and not worry about this any longer. Intentional Model:
C: Accepted to deliver paper at a conference
T: I can write a paper that I am happy with
F: Reassured
A: Write paper in a way that I am happy with; not spend more time on writing and revising it than I want; not worry about paper or conference delivery ahead of time
R: Have given myself the best possible experience

Some feedback on the models, particularly the intentional one would be appreciated!