So, I had some insights and I want to thank LCS for helping me get there.
I had a call with Janet and turns out she is a coach with a specialty in dementia. I spoke to her about my husband who is 14 years older and showing signs of early-stage dementia.
And after that call I realized how much I didn’t want to see.
He is showing more and more signs each day and I am now saying to him… do you remember? I did say that.
Out for a walk today I felt the grief of the life not lived. Of the horror that comes with being with someone with dementia and the choices I would have to make.
I look at our little kids (his second set) and I am sad.
And then meditating on what I am grateful for, I realized… that all of this is made up.
The future is all made up.
The grief – it is in response to thoughts.
I can still feel it, and notice my mind and see the C for what it is.
And I can feel the feels.
As I finished my meditation I realized this scenario is asking me to strip to the basic core of presence in this moment now.
And to REALLY and I mean REALLY enjoy the moment now. And now and now.
Because I have no clue what will happen.
And that I can give thanks for my husband’s memory seemingly starting to go.
To get raw and real and damn present.
Thank you Scholars for helping me get here.