My friend was describing an incident in which her partner returned home, started raising his voice towards her, calling her names, and cursing at her in response to him not following through on an agreement to arrive at a certain time so she could meet a time-sensitive obligation. Her response towards him upon him entering their home was pleasant, not accusatory.

We both listen to LCS podcasts, and so she asked my opinion of what she should do. I suggested changing her thought towards him. She responded that this felt like denial to her. Her thoughts at the time were “I don’t deserve to be treated like this” and “I want rid of him.” Considering changing her thoughts to something like “wow, he must be having a terrible day to have acted like this,” or some similar thought, felt to her like she was denying her feelings.

We are both trying to understand more about how to use the Model in these kinds of circumstances and think sanely. Additionally, we are both in long term relationships with men who use substances to excess.

Could you address this?
And are there any Scholar resources that you could recommend?