Dependency and Intense Scared Feeling


Hope you are doing great! It is my second month in Scholars and I have tried to keep myself positive and in momentum despite totally procrastinating the entire month of December. So, out of guilt, I decided to keep doing what ever I can, though my brain keeps screaming thoughts ” here you go, a procrastinator, nothing surprising, just add one more to the list”. I do realize this work is hard and layered and there is no point trying to be perfect, so I am just diving it whatever is popping in my mind. From my latest downloads, I have been having this deep feeling of fear…where I am feel intensely scared, almost tears rolling down my cheeks even when I am in my safest place(at home). I get these thoughts,:”will I really be able to figure out this life, I know nothing about life skills,I am indecisive, I am 33 and still not good with my finances, in all my relationships guys have declared me immature and left me, nothing I do is great, I am not earning well and not confident enough to grow in my career in leadership positions”. I feel a strong urge that I need to be taken care off and if I have someone(BF/husband/Parents) by my side I will be able to figure it out. I totally see this as unhealthy cycle but the fear and anxious feelings are so overpowering that my logical mind gets kicked out and I have really stagnated and frozen to take any actions. So, I wanted some help in creating intentional thoughts that I can repeat to get out of this cycle. Please help!