I have this belief that I am only desirable to my husband if I am skinny and financially successful. He praises and is excited when I earn money. He has out right said he desires a woman who is fit, and I am not. Without either of these two things, we have made a life together. Two children, therapy, and most of the time we work well together, have good sex, and enjoy our lives. Until he makes a comment like he did this evening about a friend of ours … “I probably shouldn’t say this to my wife, but she looks good.” I then make it mean that I am not attractive, she is skinny, and I am not. And ask myself questions like “will he ever like my body?” “Does he just appease me?” “Will I ever be desirable to him?”

I then disconnect myself from him and don’t know how to broach the subject with him. Wanting to ask him what he does find desirable about me but afraid he won’t be able to find an answer, so I close myself off. How do I coach myself through this one?