(As I typed this, I found that in the process of forming my question, some sort of answer would come to me – but I’m going to post this anyway because I’m sure you have a lot of insight that I’m overlooking)
So, I’ve been listening to the Stop Overeating webinar and I was feeling a little dazed and confused. Day one – creating a protocol made sense to me. I’m very nearly a ‘professional dieter’ after all… Eliminating the desire for food also made sense to me – though I’m fighting a little to embrace it. I mainly just figured, “What the hell, nothing else has worked, let’s give this a go”. But, on day two things get a little fractured for me. I wanted to know HOW to eliminate desire. And I didn’t feel like I was getting a clear story. What I think I’m hearing is this. Desire is a feeling, and since we know feelings are caused by thoughts – we can change it. So, when I have urge to eat backed by thoughts like, “I want this cake, I deserve it since I’ve been good all week.” I can change that thought and eliminate that desire.
But, there’s another side to this. When I have an urge to eat that’s backed by a feeling of something like boredom or restlessness, instead of doing a bunch of work to chase down the thoughts causing those feelings, I could instead say, “I’m restless, and that’s ok. Let’s sit with this feeling for a while. It can’t hurt me to be restless”
Is this, close?
Intellectually this makes sense to me, though I’m sure it’s easier in theory than in practice.
What’s interesting is what this has brought up for me. I’ve realized that I have a deep seated belief that it’s not ok to be ‘un-happy’ (or even uncomfortable) – Ever! I’m not really sure where it comes from and I’m pretty sure it doesn’t matter. But I do know that I need to change it. My overeating, overspending, not pursuing my dreams are all rooted in this belief. (I also have/had the belief that it’s not ok for other people to be un-happy; which has a whole other set of issues with it. I’ve been working for a long time to change the thought that I’m responsible for what other people feel) I spent all last month trying to find a belief to change that really resonated with me… I finally found it!
other thoughts that came up randomly
Can I believe that it’s ok to be unhappy sometimes and still be an optimist? – A:Yes, this is synergistic – It could be easier to sit with an uncomfortable feeling with the thought, this too will pass, everything will work out in the end.
But, when I’m unhappy I tend to spiral and my thoughts go round and round and get darker and darker and I get more and more unhappy… A: I control my thoughts
Anyway – I guess the next step here is to go back through last month’s exercises with the goal of changing this particular belief.
Am I doing this right?