I’ve had a poor relationship with my older sister ever since we were teenagers – she’s 13 months older than me. Our father died several years ago and I spoke to her at that time about her rejection of me and my family, and asked why she had no interest in us at all. The past two years have been much better as a result of this very frank conversation until last Christmas. My sister stayed at my house, as I was hosting Christmas. (I live with my husband and two teenage boys). We went to wake her up at 7am on Christmas morning and found her fast asleep with earplugs in so retreated and started our Christmas tradition of opening presents at 7am without her. She woke up 2 hours later and was furious to find the bedroom door ajar. Then she was furious that we’d started a present exchange without her. She was dark and stormy all day. A few days later she started wanting to send me information about why she feels we don’t get along. I offered to send her your podcasts in exchange –hee hee. She was very intent on “educating me” about my “shortcomings” or that’s certainly what I felt her intention was. I decided that by needing to involve me she was really missing the point – that she’s responsible for her own feeling and I can’t help you with that.
Anyway after a few days of feeling really shit, I decided to let her know that as I was a trigger for her feeling bad – I wasn’t able to help her work out how she felt about me – that she should ask someone else help her with that. (I felt strongly that she was finding me accountable for her feelings).
We now don’t have a working relationship at all, and I wonder what we’ll do next Christmas!
I wonder, did I do the right thing? I felt I needed to protect myself from her – that this has been going on for years, that she holds us all at random with her moods and emotions. enough was enough and this relationship was no longer serving me.
I’d so much rather have a functional family though – not one that can’t spend Christmas together….!
What do I do now? Is it done, did I do the wrong thing?