I’ve been thinking a lot of things I wish I’d done differently in the past considering I am learning new ways to think.

Here is an example:

I have asthma. Cigarette smoke triggers it badly. Someone who pursued a romantic relationship with me smoked. I said very early on, “I really can’t be around smoke much, it triggers my asthma.” They responded that they would never think of smoking in the car if I was in it and they always smoked outside, they did not smoke in the house.  I took this at face value and we began to date. At first, they did refrain from smoking if we were in the car and they always went outside to smoke…at first. As we became involved, they began to smoke in the car and in the house despite the fact I would have to use my inhaler often when we spent time together because of their smoking. When I said “hon, could you wait until we get there to smoke, I’m really getting wheezy” their reply was “You knew I smoked when we met! Now you’re trying to tell me what to do in my own car?!”

There were a lot of other things that eventually I decided to end the relationship and I’m frankly glad I did, but I’m asking myself, where does this fall with what I’m learning? Did I have a manual for her that she wasn’t following? I didn’t nag her or ask her to stop smoking, I asked her to do what she said she’d do – not smoke around me because I can’t take it. When I tried to draw a boundary one weekend at her home that if she smoked, I would leave the room until she was done – not huffily or saying anything, just went and found something to do elsewhere – this caused a fight.

I’m trying to figure out if this was a “manual” issue? help?

I didn’t FEEL like I was trying to change her.