I am working on a model that is highly charged for me (my 2nd month with Scholars). I would like to be more vulnerable and honest with myself and wonder if you think I can take this model any further? I am very self conscious about exposing & writing out all my actions as they are disgraceful (lots of shame around what I do). I also see how I sabotage my marriage and justify my indiscretions. However, I still feel like there is something I am not seeing with the result line.
C: I’m married to my husband for 14 years
T: I made the wrong choice
A: I don’t pay attention when husband talks; I binge on netflix to escape him/family; I go to bed early; I disconnect with kids; I don’t include husband on important decisions and instead turn to family/friends for counsel; I had affairs; as the only money earner, I blame him for being a poor provider; I judge, criticize his choices to be a stay home dad; I resent the kids for making him the favorite and not seeing everything I do for the family; I snack and eat for pleasure; I throw myself in my work/job as an escape; my work requires that I travel 70-75% of the time (pre covid) so I am further removed physically from family; I feel sorry for myself; I compare all the time my marriage to friends AND to Netflix series with great marriages that are fun & loving; I disengage with husband; I use the demands of my work so he can do the demands of parenting unless convenient for me to take over;
R: I “think” I made the wrong choice so I don’t have to be committed.