When I was a teenager for a variety of reasons including being shy, judging myself, and growing up in a religious family, I didn’t date anyone. At the time I thought I wasn’t pretty or funny or the type of person a boy would want to date. Looking back now I see there were boys who might have been interested, but I missed all the cues. I eventually met and married a wonderful man (basically my first real relationship), and we are still married 20 years later.

I love my husband and we have a good relationship, but I feel bad that I didn’t get to experience the fun of dating as a teenager. I think I want to feel that someone finds me beautiful or desirable. Obviously I can’t go back and change the past, but how can I think about it in a way that serves me? Here is the model I came up with:

C: I did not date when I was a teenager
T: I missed out on an experience I can’t get back
F: Sad
A: Judge self, don’t see my own beauty now (?)
R: I miss out on my life (?)

I appreciate any assistance. Thanks.