Dearest Brooke, thank you so much for holding space for me to cry yesterday. I realize now that one reason I don’t get vulnerable with people is because as soon as I cry they will try to fix it, not just hold space for me. I knew you would let me cry.
Thank you also for recognizing that I hadn’t been allowing myself to feel disappointed and sad about not being pregnant. I’ve done so much work and everything feels really good. I think I made a mistake though, so if you could give me feedback:
I had categorized disappointment as indulgent. This has been a dominant emotion for me over the years and it wasn’t bringing me the results I wanted. I think it often is indulgent for me, when I’m feeling that way I can just quit ahead of time. I’ve done the work and changed my thinking, but maybe I was supposed to really let myself feel disappointed first. Really allow it. And maybe sometimes disappointment is a necessary emotion. I am going to do some work,on this on Sunday, since I don’t have a lot to do. I was thinking some thought downloads on the things in my life that I recall disappointed about, the big ones, see what’s going on in there, and just allowing that disappointment and sadness that day.