Difference between deep desires and a manual in a relationship.

Question regarding relationship with my spouse, I have been working with my spouse regarding my manual /expectations, wanting a more romantic life for about 4 years now. It has been changing slowly in a way to meet my expectations. I still feel that it can never meet my deep desire because romance for my partner is very under-rated in my spouse’s priorities for happiness in a married life. I have been working on my manual and see the results now a bit that I do love my partner more unconditionally than before. Yet deeply I have a hard time to believe that my deep desire can be met. I have considered to have an affair and did the work around it to have my own back as well. My question is setting the boundary for myself on the timeline on when to get a divorce or stay and work on the marriage. The confusion and indecision is hampering me in other areas of life.