I have been married for 14 years and believe we have a strong and healthy marriage. My husband feels the point of marriage is to wake up every day together in the same bed and just share life together. I feel the point of marriage is to come together as a team and tackle life, to get stuff done and bear the burdens of life together. There is a gap/disparity between what each of us wants in/from marriage. We want different things. I have always thought that those last two sentences were circumstances, just the honest truth about us. It’s good to realize those are just thoughts!

Unintentional Model
C: Marriage
T: There’s a gap and disparity between what each of us wants and expects from marriage.
F: Short changed, not getting what I deserve
A: Retreat into myself, think “I’ll just have to go it alone getting my own needs met”
R: Feeling isolated in this relationship and disappointed that my needs are not being met by my marriage

Intentional Model:
C: I have the thought, “There’s a gap and disparity between what each of us wants and expects from marriage.” (Can I put this in the C line to help remind me that I can have a subsequent thought about this though?)
T: That is just a thought. Nothing has gone wrong here. (But wait, something HAS gone wrong here!)
F:
A:
R:

I’m not even sure what I am after here. What I really want is for my husband to step up and work harder and meeting my needs. But if I let him off the hook and just allow him to be an adult and do whatever he will do, how do I move towards feeling better, like there’s not a gap, like it’s not such a a bad thing and such a chore to always meet my own needs.

Any insight would be appreciated!