Difficult conversations and my husband


Hi Brooke,

My husband and his ex wife have a long history of conflict and they have an 11 year old daughter. At the moment they are not talking to each other and we haven’t seen my step daughter for a few months due to a disagreement about child support. Finally I decided to contact his ex wife because my own children missed their half sister. The ex wife (thuy) agreed to meet me and we had a very reasonable conversation. I practised the method of listening to everything she had to say and really listening and understanding her point of view and I have come to see that the problem between tom (my husband) and thuy is that they both believe 100% that they are right and that the other is wrong. I came home and spoke to my husband and listened to his point of view and confirmed back to him what I undertood to be his point of view. Then I tried to direct him towards facts we could agree on and solutions for the future. I kept asking him what he thought the solution was but he really seems hell bent on staying angry instead. In my opinion he would be best off the forgive the hurt of the past and move forward for the sake of his daughter but he kept saying ‘that’s easy for you to say but but you don’t understand what it’s like’ In the end I told him that I had voiced my views but I wasn’t going to hang my feelings on his decision and that I would continue to pursue a relationship with my step daughter no matter what he decides. Incredibly this is he first time we have talked about her and I haven’t gotten angry. And now I’m at the end of my story and not sure what my question to you is. So… any feedback?