Difficult decisions need to be made with my husband


I am not sure what to do or how to sort this out. My husband and I have been married for 28 years and we raised two beautiful kids who are now adults. There has been infidelity on my husband’s part and emotional infidelity on mine (dreaming of a better life). We didn’t go to counselling for my husband’s infidelity because we were too ashamed. So what we did was just stuff it down and carry on for 12 years until we came to head recently and I have told him that I am not happy within myself and I have felt this way our whole marriage. It has been a difficult marriage with excess drinking and at times intimidation on my husband’s part.

Backtracking, we got engaged within 8 months of starting to date. I said yes but in my head I was saying no but I lacked maturity at the time to say no. Fast forward a few months and there was big red flags in our relationship (his family and the drinking). I had had enough and had just set a date of “if something doesn’t improve by April 1st, I am calling off the wedding”. Days later, I found out I was pregnant so I felt that I needed to follow through with the wedding.

Now, I am still married 28 years later and not really happy. I realize that first and foremost, I must look after myself and find my own happiness and I have stated this to him. He really wants to make this work and I am unsure if I want to carry on.

I know Brooke says to find your own happiness before making a decision, so I am trying my best. I have been making improvements but the nagging thought that I am never going to be happy with my husband comes up repeatedly. I would really appreciate some perspective. Sorry for the long-winded story.