Difficult Mother

I have a complicated relationship with my mother. I want desperately for her to be happy but she’s 80, lost a husband, lost her power as a business woman and is generally depressed, lonely and unhappy. She calls me multiple times a day with “instructions” of what I need to be doing (driving her around, making calls, other things related to her needs) in additional to judgements about me, my kids, how we choose to spend out time etc. I’ve created multiple models that try to create feelings of compassion, love, understanding, in addition to just trying to ignore her judgements, her tone, her mood….but I can’t seem to stop her from getting under my skin. I always end our conversations either angry, sad, frustrated. I can’t end this relationship because I love my mom very much. I just don’t know what model to create to have her stop affecting my emotions so directly.