Hi Brooke! I’m having trouble with discernment. For example, I am dating somebody who has a pattern of being fairly negative and dumping on me at night when he calls me. Our conversation mostly starts with a heavy sigh from him and then he dives into a litany of problems on how hard life is. He sounds very overwhelmed, stuck, and depressed. I try to be compassionate. it triggers me. I make it mean a bunch of stuff like he’s depressed and I’m going to be trapped in this relationship and he’s never going to be happy and I’m going to be unhappy with him. I recognize that it’s not helpful that I make it mean all that stuff. I cleaned up my thoughts about it. I let him be him. I set boundaries for myself and i just get off the phone because I don’t want to hear it. However, I’m still bothered by it. And, I’m still bothered by it because when i think my thoughts are cleaned up, I wonder if I even want to be with a guy who is so often in that negative frame of mind. Maybe that’s something that I just don’t want. I know that I get to decide. I simply just don’t enjoy being with somebody that has a mindset that life is meant to be endured. It is in conflict with my mindset that life is meant to be enjoyed. I would like to be with somebody who enjoys life with me. I do think I’m realistic that we’re not always going to be enjoying life. I want to be realistic for sure. I constantly tell myself that I’m doing something wrong, and that I just need to find the right thought to make it all alright. How do I know if I’m constantly just finding fault with others or oitside my own mind? How do I discern when I actually have some thought work to do versus admitting that this is just not what I want? I often tell myself I should just think differently to make the situation right, and I think I override my own thoughts, feelings, and desires about what I truly want. I think I might do some of this as a way of buffering against feelings. I’m hoping you can provide some clarity on how to discern when I need to do some thought work versus choosing a circumstance that I want or don’t want.