Discontent in spite of a good life

Dear coaches,

I have much to be grateful for in life and regularly count these blessings.
Yet I feel regularly plagued by poisonous thoughts such as:
– I shouldn’t complain
– I am not allowed to complain
and “Count your blessings and get a grip, woman!”

These thoughts create fertile ground for buffering and procrastination
With the result that I spend a lot of time complaining to myself. I am often too embarrassed to complain to others, I fear their judgment that “I have nothing to complain about”.

I accept the 50/50 aspect of negative/positive emotions and do not want to achieve happiness 24/7.

But what I feel is lukewarm happiness, material comfort but no real purpose and energy.
I want to kick myself in the butt, but very lovingly 🙂 because I am aware that I can only change from a place of love.

Can you offer any guidance?
Many thanks