I have now been in scholars for 6 months. My original goals were weight loss and to stop over drinking. I have had some success in those areas but have not been consistent and still choose to buffer. I had planned on addressing career goals (I have been at home with my kids for the last four years) after I felt I had achieved my weight loss and overdrinking goals. But I felt I couldn’t sit on those anymore so I met with my old bosses and made a plan to go back to work as an attorney 30 hours a week in September. I felt very inspired by the call where you coached the interior designer about her ability to balance work and family life.

The managing partners were very excited to have me back but I learned from a friend who is currently working there that two of the attorneys in the group are not. In fact, they went to the managing partner to express their “concern” about my return and to suggest that if the firm was going to bring someone in at this level shouldn’t it be a “real litigator” who wants to develop their own practice — i.e. someone who has not been on the mommy track. This of course makes a lot of assumptions about me. I actually have my own goals about what I want to do in the law and what being an attorney means to me. I also think their comments reflect some of their own insecurities about their positions at the firm. (I was sort of a favored employee when I worked there because the quality of my work is very good.) But their comments also hit on some of my own insecurities about returning to work. My path has not been linear and there are certain skills I will have to work to develop.

So right now I feel discouraged on all fronts. Here are some of my models:
WEIGHT LOSS AND OVERDRINKING:
C Weight loss and overdrinking goals
T I am STILL struggling with this after 6 months
F Discouraged
A Don’t follow protocol
R Continue to struggle

C Weight loss and overdrinking goals
T I should just give up
F Really discouraged
A Give up protocol and SCS
R Quit ?

C Weight loss and overdrinking goals
T The struggle has taught me something important if I am willing to examine it
F Somewhat more hopeful and curious
A Look at what has worked and what hasn’t
R ????

RETURN TO WORK
C Future co-workers expressed concern that I am not a “real litigator”
T Forget it. This was a bad idea. I shouldn’t go back.
F Anxiety
A Ruminate and buffer
R ???

C Future co-workers expressed concern that I am not a “real litigator”
T Their opinions are about them
F Judgmental
A Go back with an attitude towards them
R Their opinions are still about me

C Future co-workers expressed concern that I am not a “real litigator”
T Go ahead and underestimate me. I will show you.
F Fired up
A Go back with an attitude towards them
R Their opinions are still about me

C Future co-workers expressed concern that I am not a “real litigator”
T I want to go back to work to fulfill my passion to be an advocate for others and that is all that matters
F Inspired again
A Return to work with my passion front and center
R Be an advocate for my clients

I am not even sure what my question is here. These models help but there is still a big part of me that wants to quit scholars, go back to the cave and stay there where it is safe, I can eat and drink to my heart’s content and no one will judge me and I don’t have to even try for any goals. 🙁