Discussion with husband 2


“What does Frustration sound like, move like, look like, feel like, and urge you to do?”
When I open to what I feel, I notice I mostly feel excitement and not frustration. I guess part of it is created by a sensation in my body (like a sexual tension), and part of it may be created by the thought “I’d like to have sex”.
I guess I don’t really like to feel a sexual tension in my body, because I am ashamed by it, and I want to discharge the tension, that would be more comfortable.
But this is not like it’s horrible. This is just a sensation in my body, and a feeling.
When I focus on it, it is growing (it’s a 7 on a 0 to 10 scale), but then it comes back to a 4.
The urge is to discharge the tension by having solo or partnered sex.

C: sexual tension in my body
T: I’d like to have sex
E: excitement
A: have sex
R: I create an sexual experience

As I don’t have sex in the reality, I feel frustration because I think: “I can’t have what I want”. Frustration feels like a heavy hole in my chest. The urge is to do what I want to do (have sex), focus about it because I think it will solve the problem, or talk to husband to have it from him. I also ruminate, accuse him, provide evidences this is his fault, or mine.

I guess I really confuse the sensation of the sexual tension, and the emotion of frustration. What I mostly feel is a sexual tension. I guess I believe I should not feel a sexual tension, I believe things like “It’s not healthy”, “I should have a normal sex life”, “I’m frustrated”, “I’m not satisfied”, “If I feel a sexual tension, there is something wrong in my relationship”, “we will break up”, “I will explode”, “People may see that and this is a shame”, “People will see I’m frustrated”.

“Also consider, along with frustration, what other emotions come up when you think about husband’s words about sex or the frequency of intimacy?”
I feel irritation, deception, sadness, discouragement, depression.
I will hang out with those emotions. Thanks a lot for your precious feedback.