Distant Friendship

I have a friend I met years ago. He’s more outgoing and courageous than me, and being his friend gave me permission to have more adventure and spontaneity in my life at the time. However, he’d always put me down, say I was annoying him, and basically say my opinion wasn’t important unless it interested him. At the time, he was the source of my validation so I did my best to become someone he approved of and this created a great sense of distrust within myself.

Eventually, I had enough and stepped away from the friendship, but due to our circle of friends, he’s still in my life.

The holidays are approaching and there’s a chance that I may see him.

On one hand, I miss our friendship greatly, but on the other, I don’t think he’s a good person and I don’t trust myself to not fall back into morphing myself into who he wanted me to be again.

I take responsibility for giving away my power to someone else and have learned from that experience. I want to let go of my anger towards him (which is probably anger towards myself for not having enough self-esteem back then) and I feel like I’m holding onto a petty grudge but when I see him I just feel powerless.

C: A possibility of seeing an old friend
T: I can’t trust myself around him
F: Vulnerable
A: avoid him to not give myself a chance to breakdown in the moment, beat myself up for hiding from my problems
R: Nothing is resolved