Disturbing Interaction


I had an interaction yesterday that was caused by my knee-jerk reaction to a situation. I will try to be as specific as possible but not get into the drama which totally cause the problem in the first place.

I arrived at work and was told by an employee that she received a text the night before from an ex-employee who left on bad terms saying that they heard I was fired on Monday night. So, you see this is already an issue here that I should have left alone. The originator of the text is another person who professed to be my friend but I haven’t spoken to in a while. This town is pretty small and I was assuming that this would be a big shitstorm so I decided to get some answers. MISTAKE.

I texted the originator of the text and asked them why they would say something like that. He admitted that he did start the rumor chain because he heard it from someone else, but then I was told that I’m “crazy, heartless, a dark energy negative person and have dark karma.” I had NO IDEA this person thought this way about me. I was shocked and basically spun about it all day because I totally did this to myself. So that alone is a huge learning for me but I was still quite upset at the words that were texted to me, because I’m overly focused on what other’s think about me , which I’ve been actively working on. I have 2 UM and 1 IM

C S said “you are crazy, heartless, have negative energy and dark karma”
T I have been viciously attacked
F Defensive
A fwd text to my husband, my bff , ruminate on what brought this on, re-read text , spin out about the text, look for evidence of how wrong he is about me, make remarks about what a hypocritical “spiritual” person he is
R I attack myself by continuous ruminating on the text and doubting the quality of my personhood

C S said “you are crazy, heartless, have negative energy and dark karma”
T He must be really upset at me
F Curious
A Try to figure out what I did to him to elicit that response to my question, wonder if he’s right about me, go over any interaction I may have had that upset him, doubt the quality of my personhood, realize that I am the reason for the upset because I didn’t let it drop in the first place
R I get upset at me because I didn’t leave it alone

NEW MODEL
C S said “you are crazy, heartless, have negative energy and dark karma”
T People are allowed to think whatever they want about me
F Accepting
A Let things be as they are, realize that people either like me or they don’t, remind myself that my worth as a person isn’t contingent on what others think, remind myself that I don’t need to defend against anything at any time, breathe, say a prayer for him and the other person involved, forgive myself for my part in the situation, delete all texts
R The only person who can affect me by what they think of me is ME

Not sure about the R in #3 but I sure do feel better .