Dive in or accept this is not for me… And move on. Doc making


What to keep and what to throw out.
2.5 years ago I filmed in a country I used to live in. I’ve been doing research for others and also wanted to make my own doc. I bought a second hand camera, did a short course and went. Coming home, the sound quality was really bad. I had bought the right microphones, but wasn’t aware tht the wind and the barking dogs were so loud that the interview was hardly listenable.

I asked for professional advice, to see if there was something that could be done with the sound. Unfortunately not. Since then I’m doubting if I can go back and ask for a new interview. Start over from scratch. I hesitate to ask these people, because I think they will think(!) “It has been so long” or “Obviously she wasn’t a professional” (I told them it was my first project). My thoughts go from “I want to go back and complete what I started” to “This was my first project, it can happen, I can decide whether to go back or not” to “I’d better accept that documentary making is not for me”. And you know, sometimes I really feel the first thought and then later I really believe the last. And I really think I want to let go of this film career-path. I do have a business that has nothing to do with film, so it’s not about income.

About 2 months ago I’ve had a 20minute coaching session on considering this project as complete and moving on. But… it keeps coming up. I have the thought that I should give it another try. I often buffer with watching documentaries and then the thought comes up again; making documentaries is something I’ve wanted to do for so many years.

How to be satisfied with whatever I choose? Sell the camera, microphone…etc and move on. Or go back, ask them if I may come to their place again and see if I’m able to do better. And decide from there, what next.

UM
C. Film material with proven (by expert) unusable sound in my Mac
T. Sound is the most important part of a documentary
F. Failure
A. Spinning. Watching documentaries that are well made. Dreaming
R. Prove I’m not able to make a documentary

IM
C. Film material with proven (by expert) unusable sound in my Mac
T. The sound was bad quality, I can see what went wrong and learn
F. Curious
A. Evaluate sound, test microphone, ask for help with preparation
R. Prepared for the next attempt

UM
C. Ask family X if I can come to their place again to film
T. They’ve given me so much time already, being interviewed on a delicate topic
F. Embarrassed
A. Thinking in loops, procrastinating
R. Nothing

IM
C. Ask family X if I can come to their place again to film
T. I can ask and accept whatever their answer is
F. Courageous
A. Plan writing an email to them, watch the material again, inform myself on this topic again
R. I’ve done everything I could

Please help me shine some light on this matter. Documentary-making has been a dream for me for years. I’m in my fifties now, and I’ve decided many times to ‘accept’ it’s not for me, but it’s coming back and back and back. I often tell myself I have a great life, which I do, but I really want to decide never to look back or to really dive into it.

Thanks!