I am considering a separation from my husband. When I ask myself the question “if both options were amazing, which would you choose?” I would prefer to stay married. But I’ve been in this space for 3 years. I don’t think I really love him. I feel like I’ve failed – he’s a good man but I haven’t been successful at generating the feeling of love. We have young children. I’m afraid to leave but it feels more honest. Are there any questions or prompts you could suggest I consider before coming to a decision?

A model is:
C: Married to _____ for 15 years
T: I’m a bad person because I can’t/don’t want to love him
F: Shame
A: Do not get coached on marriage, increasingly avoid him, collect evidence for how I’m not good at loving people, make it mean I’m a failure and not good at relationships, withdraw, not moving forward
R: I reject both of us? No decision or resolution.