My husband and I are in the beginning process of buying a new house. I’ve already written to you about why I don’t like our current house and why I want to move; I feel we can do it financially and it makes sense to make the move now when our son hasn’t started K-12 yet; he’s 3 going on 4. I want to live in the next house for his school years. So we went to see a house this weekend that was beautiful- I liked the house a lot. It met both our minimum requirements for what we both want in the next house and it was in a nice neighborhood with good schools and close to commute routes. We then ran numbers with the mortgage guy and my husband got freaked out. I was not freaked out; I run the household finances and I know we could afford it with a comfy cushion. But when we talked last night, it came out: He is afraid to move to a bigger, nicer house in a nicer neighborhood because that’s what his parents did and then they got divorced a few years later. So he associates them buying the house with getting a divorce; I don’t think he really thinks beyond this that there might have been other circumstances leading to the divorce. But, I can’t change him or his mind about this, but I do feel disappointed and I’m angry that because of his fear, I’ll have to live in a house or neighborhood I don’t want to live in (like the one we live in now) and I’d be resentful at him for having to make a compromise. I did a thought download on two things: one was about my feelings about living in a nice house and then the other one is about his “divorce house” theory. I think my C’s aren’t right. Can someone else’s thoughts be a C?
Could you help?
C I want to live in a nice house in a nice neighborhood with good schools . (Is this a thought and not a circumstance?)
T We work hard and can afford it. We can stretch ourselves and it will all work out.
A Look for a nice house in a nice neighborhood
R Buy a nice house in a nice neighborhood, move, everything will work out and we’ll have more space, creature comfort, and live in a safer neighborhood than we do now.
On my husband’s thought:
C Chris fears that if we move to a nice house we will get divorced like his parents . (Is this the circumstance?)
T (my thought)- people will choose to stay married or choose to get divorced regardless of what house they live in — he doesn’t want us to live nicely because divorce would be imminent like his parents??
F (toward him)- anger, disappointment, frustration
A Reaction to Chris in anger, withdraw
R Lots of discussion, no action? Stay where we are, I’m unhappy?
Thank you in advance 🙂