Do I want to be slimmer or not ?


So, I have been having body image issues for years, not liking my body, feeling too tall, too large, too big. I am taller than average larger than average and more on the curvy side than slim.
I have done a lot of work to accept my body as it is because I don’t want to be constantly obsessed by my weight.
I lost about 10kg last year doing keto and loved it but developped serious compulsory behaviours and put it all back on.
Today I am most often happy with my body with it’s curves, I can see that my proportions are nice, I feel sexy and beautiful. And yet I also have days where I wonder if I would prefer being slimmer if it would not be prettier, if I would feel even better in a slimmer body. And I know that some of it is not mine and it’s society showing me mostly very slim women as pretty. But sometimes I get very confused about my own taste and my own desires, and I get tired about changing my mind about what I want for my body because if I keep doing that I can’t get either. I can’t just love it as it is and focus on my health and moving it and being active and fit, and want it to be slimmer every other day and actually move toward one of those goals in a steady way.
So I need help figuring out what I really want and how to stay focused on that even when I get other ideas from outside.of me.

Writing all that down makes me realize that I do get confused about what I want and why in other areas of my life, i realize that I forget my reasons to do things, or I tend to change them.

Looking forward to reading your answer.

Merry Christmas !