Does the model work to change thoughts/feelings regarding sexual attraction to our spouse when there is none.


Hi Brooke,

NAME: Ruth
COACHING REQUEST/TOPIC: I do not desire physical intimacy with my husband.
LAST TIME COACHED LIVE: Never (in fact I joined SCS this month partly for a chance to be coached on this issue
that I’m wrestling with).

I would like to be coached on something that has had me in knots for a very long time:

Using the tools I’ve gleaned from your podcast over the last year(s), I have already VERY successfully worked through many
issues with my husband and using your tools I gained the courage to be honest and real with him and as a result we entered counseling this past January. When 2018 started I did not see ANY hope for us but wanted to try counseling to give us a chance.

We did A LOT of VERY hard, excruciating work (I being honest about many of my feelings for the FIRST time ever with him) and I now can genuinely say I am at that point you speak of where you FIRST accept and like a situation before deciding to change it. I now have no resentment, anger, or hate for him. But… the ONE thing I cannot find help with within the model is the physical/sexual component.

PLEASE tell me how the model can help me get from cringing at the thought of intimacy or the touch of him, to desire for him.

Every other relationship that can be “modeled” and changed lacks this one VERY different element… the sexual/physical connection. I’m at an impasse on how to model my way to desiring sex with someone I have a great love and respect for but NO physical attraction to.

Again, I feel I have genuinely tried everything you’ve offered as well as things I’ve learned in other ways and those feelings of going from what now thankfully feels like a great relationship/friendship to what also incorporates the huge missing piece that only this type of relationship has — sexual. How do you do thought-work to bring you from “I love and respect you as the BEST man I know” to all of that PLUS “and I desire you physically as well!”?

Thank you ahead of time for what I pray is a model miracle with your help. 🙂

~Ruth