Let’s say I don’t feel loved. I’m upset that my husband doesn’t make me feel loved.
I know my thoughts cause my feelings of love.
I dig into my brain and I see that I’m mostly thinking unloving things about him.
So I know I’m not creating feelings of love for him, and I’m not really creating feelings of love for me, either.
So like, I want him to make me have the feeling of love in my body. I do not have a current feeling of love. I feel absence of love and I blame him.
BUT – I could literally just change the way I think about HIM, and give myself what I’m looking for? I was thinking before that I’d have to change the way I feel about ME, in order to give myself the love I want from him. BUT – in order for me to unconditionally love HIM, I basically have to unconditionally love ME, too. Because if I decide that he doesn’t have to change a SINGLE thing in order for me to love him, what has to happen inside of me? I have to love WHATEVER comes up for me when HE isn’t filling the hole in my heart. I actually am not sure if we can have unconditional love for another if we don’t unconditionally love ourselves – those things are very connected (not identical, but totally connected).
This is fascinating.
Cause like, if I need him to act a certain way to please me – why? Because I don’t love myself as I am. If love myself as I am, what do I need him to do? Like, literally nothing?
This is mind blowing.