"Don’t Make Life a Resistance Exercise"

Brooke said the above referenced phrase on an April coaching call and it stopped me in my tracks. I am tried modeling this, but I am new to SCS and am at a loss.

I am an introvert, my fantasy is ALWAYS to be home, with my family, with a book and a glass of wine. But that is not my life. I am a university professor, I run a nonprofit and I sit on a number of high profile boards. As a result, I am out at events, or speaking, a lot. There are periods of time, every year, where I am white knuckling it – for days or weeks. My mantra becomes “I just need to get through this month(s)” or “I will be fine when this is over” or “3 down, 12 events to go…”. I WANT to be grateful. I WANT to land in each day and appreciate that I am able to do all of these things. I really don’t want my life to be a “resistance exercise.” How do I do this? I want to approach my life with grace and an inner calm. Steady is a word I love. But I can’t seem to pull this off, no matter how I think about it. I should add that this never affects my performance, it is the inner turmoil that I find intolerable and that I now (because of SCS) know is 100% of my own making.

I know I am doing this wrong, but I don’t know how to approach this in the most effective way.