Every time I go to work, I want to leave it. I am in an extreme hurry. I don’t know what I feel. I just don’t want to be here anymore. There are many thoughts about work which I don’t like and any of those thoughts can trigger that feeling of wanting to run away. I seriously believe it is better at home.
I want to work as it gives me money. But I don’t want to be here because I think I’m getting judged, I don’t like how I act, I fear I will do something wrong, I fear I will be hated. The only reason I want to work is because they give me money. But I can’t handle other humans at work. There are so many people and so many expectations. I want to run away again.
C: full time job as a physician working in day and night shift allotted by the hospital
T: I don’t want to be here
F: run??( I want to physically get up and leave)
A: look at time, keep worrying about the number of patient to be seen, never fear the patients but fear judgement by colleagues, think they hate me, ruminate over a judgement made by someone over me
R: I am not present
I want to be present when I come to work. But the mind drama takes over. It’s so unconscious. I keep spinning in it the whole shift.