Don’t want to use donor egg

I’ve been using thought work against myself to try to change my thoughts about using a donor egg.

I went through three rounds of IUI and then the fertility specialist told me that it was best to move on to a donor egg.

I was devastated and angry about that, plus I don’t have the money for several rounds of IVF, and a donor egg would probably give me my best shot at a child.

I always thought I would have my own genetic child, and the concept of a donor egg I find repulsive and unethical to the child, and the donors don’t seem to know what they’re getting into.

In short, I have a lot of negative feelings about the concept, and I don’t want to carry a child that is not my own genetically.

It seems more ethical to adopt. Now I’m wavering on having a family at all because I hate all of my options.

I’ve been self-coaching on this since November 2021, but I’m not getting anywhere.

It would be nice if there was a miracle that could happen to help me get pregnant with my own child, but it doesn’t look like it’s in the cards. I’m just having a lot of trouble accepting reality.