DOOR MATS


My concern has to do with a particular podcast I watched entitled difficult conversations. An example was used about a husband coming home late. The suggested end result was for the wife to admit she was wrong about her thinking of why he was late. In this example, Brooke made the husbands reason completely different from what the wife was thinking. She made his reasoning considerate and kind.
A recent scholar caller had a situation of a mixed family. Three of the adult children, belonging to the husband, turned against the step mom because she placed boundaries and rules regarding curfew times. Brooke pointed out that this woman was wrong, and in fact she claimed the woman kicked them out and was controlling, which was the girls accusations. I had a very hard time with the reasoning of that example and don’t know if I will ever be able to understand and come to agreeing. Let’s say in the first example of the late husband that he truly was being inconsiderate and didn’t give a damn if he was late or not, yet still agreed earlier that morning to be home at five. Let’s say he comes home and lies, using the reason that Brooke used (which was a perfectly innocent reason in the example) and wife falls for it. The following week he does the very same thing. This action perpetuates’ and his real reason for being late is that, “He’ll be damned if he is gonna take orders from her”. People who play games (and there are plenty of them) can really cause psychological and emotional damage. Especially when you believe it, then come to realize what they are actually doing, yet they won’t admit it. As for the daughters claiming they were kicked out, I disagree and cannot see it as Brooke describes it. To me, I believe people will treat you the way you allow them to treat you. The rules of the household were made early on and the daughters were aware of them. To me, the step mom and dad were being extremely generous to allow adult children to remain in the house, without having to pay rent or anything. I think boundaries are so important when raising kids. Relationships are the primary reason I have joined this program. I would love to understand Brooke’s reasoning, but I will not be someone’s doormat. I don’t mind “choosing my battles” and “eating” it once in a while, but I won’t be taken advantage of. Please help me understand your reasoning. No! my way doesn’t work either, but I have seen women in my church (when i used to go) that were flat out spineless to their husbands, all in the name of keeping the peace.