I noticed I indulge in doubt when I think about my desires, for example:
I see that there are things on the floor of my room and I have the thought “I want to clean my room.” Then I immediately think “I only want to clean my room because I think it’ll make me feel better (relaxed rather than bored and slightly irritated) so I should do the thought work to feel that way now instead of trying to change my circumstances.” I notice this kind of thinking might be true and so I should work on the thought but I still want to clean my room and I can’t justify why I should do it. I’m scared that following this desire is “the wrong thing to do” because I feel attached to the outcome of having a clean room.
I try to examine the “why” behind why I want a clean room and cannot think of a why that I like. I think “why do I want a clean room? because I want it” and that doesn’t feel good enough.
C: I want to clean my room
T: “I shouldn’t be attached to the outcome of having a clean room because it will make me think that circumstances and emotions are related so I should be okay with not cleaning”
F: confused and doubtful
A: I do not clean my room
R: Room looks the same, I still have the desire to clean my room, continue the thought that “I don’t know how to “desire” the right way”
I think I would like to learn how to want from abundance rather than from scarcity and wanting without being attached to the outcome. How can I know how to differentiate the two? How can I figure out when I’m incorrectly expecting an outcome will make me feel a different way? I would also like to figure out how to like my whys.