I completely stopped doing all of this work. I was already not in a great place when I signed up (I was actually hungover at work when I decided something needed to give) but it has gotten so much worse…I was pretty good doing the work through January.. the thought downloads and models, I thought I was doing well but I was still over-drinking and subsequently having panic attacks. My one thing was to stop over drinking drinking and so I finally decided to cut the crap and actually not drink, write down the urges, allow instead of resist…well a few weeks in I feel everything now so much that I’m back to my anxious/depressed old self (a version of myself from 2 years ago). While I’ve had a few weeks of isolating myself, crying, getting angry, buffering with TV and then making things up in my head. I’ve been getting back to the daily homework and I’m still feeling low. I have a history of being on meds and due to the severity of my depression, my doctor and I decided that I go back on meds and that I see a therapist under the condition that she understood that this is the work I am planning on doing…I feel like a failure that I’m going back on meds but this is the absolute lowest I’ve ever felt.
My question is, what next? I’m still doing the daily work. I have 0 urges to do most things let alone drink. My thought was to start How to Feel Better? I’d try anything at this point.