Your drinking series attracted me to joining last fall. Your tools are easy, but they made my drinking un-fun. Planning asked me to control what I drank. I drank to be mindless and planning kept me mindful. Still I, kept with the program and some nights I would just “plan” 6 drinks to make sure I was “allowed” to get drunk. Those nights the planning eliminate the self-judgement the next morning… I didn’t want to drink like that- that wasn’t me. During a drinking call you hosted, you talked about NOT drinking as an eventual goal- that triggered me and I rejected the idea. I wanted to learn how to feel good about my drinking because my drinking made me feel good before it made me feel like shit. You’d obviously become a holier than thou reformed drinker… I stopped drink-planning after that call.
That was about 5/ 6 months ago.
What kind of fucking INSANITY was that??? I seriously couldn’t imagine a life where I didn’t use alcohol to reward myself, check-out and numb the dissatisfaction I felt with my life. I realized 22 days ago that I wasn’t the problem- alcohol was the problem. Because I failed at using the “scalpel” you offered, I took up the “AXE”. 3 weeks ago today I chopped alcohol out of my life and doubled down by joining AA. Drink Planning kept me thinking about my drinking- now alcohol is no longer an option so I don’t think about it very much at all.
The first two weeks were hard- not because I wasn’t drinking, but because I was FEELING and THINKING 5 more hours a day – I used to check out from 5pm with alcohol- now I had to be fully present and fucking DEAL. This 3rd week has been easy and I’ve enjoyed all the things you’ve mentioned and more: I can read at night, I’m not drunk fighting with my husband, I’m not buzzed-frustrated with my kids, I remember everything that’s happened, I can drive, I can do things I forgot to do during the day…. Most importantly- I’m not walking up with self-disappointment (at best) or self loathing (at worst). 6 months ago, when I got pissed off at you, I never would have dreamed that my life would be CALMER, BETTER and EASIER without alcohol! Thank you for saying what I didn’t want to hear and guiding me toward a better life… now on to building the life of my dreams! 🙂 Light and love xxoooooo