Dropping Therapy

C: I currently spend $85 on therapy a month, I am considering dropping therapy
T: I’m betraying my therapist
F: Guilt
A: Ruminate, doubt myself, spin out in confusion, criticize myself, think about my therapist fondly, imagine her judging me, discuss it with my mom, seek validation from my mom, go back and forth on whether to stick with therapy, blame coaching subscription(s) for being so expensive, imaging the future interacts with my therapist, not focused on work, not fully present with coaching work
R: I’m betraying myself

Oh how this model is riddled with assumptions:
– I assume I CAN betray my therapist
– I assume dropping therapy means I AM betraying my therapist
– I assume my therapist would consider me dropping a “betrayal”
– I assume my therapist would feel hurt
– I assume I have the power to control my therapist’s feelings
– I assume dropping therapy makes me lack integrity
– I assume choosing how to allocate my money means betrayal for those who don’t get it
– I assume my therapist gives as shit about whether she sees me or not

The reason I am considering dropping therapy is because I’m already enrolled in two coaching memberships and I want to practice working through my Ts and Fs through this modality. Therapy does definitely have value: I feel a closeness to my therapist, I feel deep respect for her and I look up to her, I feel comfort and joy when I talk to her. But while I feel “good” with my therapist, I feel like I level up with coaching: it doesn’t always feel good, but it feels right. I’m at the point where only one or the other (coaching or therapy) can fit comfortably in my budget. But I’m nervous I’ll regret my decision later.

If I could feel any way I wanted no matter what I chose, I think I would choose to drop therapy. I want to be able to commit 100% to working through my Ts and Fs with coaching and strengthen my “self coaching muscles.” I want to do this from a place of love and respect for myself and my therapist. And if I make the wrong decision, I don’t have to beat myself up over it or make it mean anything about myself. Anyway, just some babbling (not really a question), open to coaching!