Early morning brain

I wake up with my boyfriend before he goes to work and make him breakfast. It’s part of my morning routine and it makes me happy to do it. I do not NEED to get up that early and I require more sleep than him, so I go back to bed for a bit after he leaves to get the sleep I need. I know from vast experience getting enough sleep is really important for my mental health. When I wake up rested, or for the second time after going back to sleep, it’s like I’m a completely different person. When I wake up that early without enough sleep, I’m generally in a terrible mood and my mind is thinking ALL of the negative thoughts.

I *TRY* not to be a bitch that early but he can generally sense my shitty mood and it’s just not fair to either one of us – I need to learn to manage my mind. Usually, the recurring theme is some involuntary or triggered thought about something crappy he did in the past and then going down a rabbit hole in my mind fighting with myself about why it matters, why it was horrible, why I should still care, and generally making myself suffer emotionally, and then taking it out on him in some way even when I try not to. I’d much rather just love him and be loving and focus on all the good things he does, instead of the bad (Esp. since the thoughts my mind wants to dwell on are all basically from the distant past and he generally just wants to be sweet and nice to me in the morning!)

Sleeping through him getting up is NOT an option. What I’d rather do is learn to manage my mind, even in the wee hours, even on not enough sleep. I don’t think it’s practical to wake up before him and try and do a TDL and models first thing, which is something I’ve considered, as I do find the practice to be EXTREMELY helpful, especially when I am creating suffering for myself. But I imagine there is work I can do that can help my morning brain. I just ran a model on it, and decided one of the ladder thoughts I can use is that I can choose to follow the involuntary negative thought about the past, or not. It seems like a good ladder thought because at least it gives me a choice – if I try to tell myself to just let it go and it doesn’t matter anymore I just end up arguing with myself. But the question is if I will REMEMBER that I have a choice first thing in the morning.

I just joined scholars, but have been working with the model and Brooke’s podcast since about April and I realize this is really all in my mind. I also recognize I have A LOT of practice thinking these sorts of negative thoughts. So, wondering what you would suggest to me to help calm my mind during those wee hours.