Eating disorders

Hey, so…I’m not a general “overeater”. I am an emotional binge eater. I follow a regular, healthy diet that I think is sustainable forever on most occasions. Then, something happens, or I get all in a knot about something, and I end up binging my face off, sometimes for one day, sometimes three days, sometimes a week. Never in this timespan do I say “I deserve this!” or “I’ll just allow myself to self-soothe” – no. I am hating myself the entire time, trying to gain back enough control to get back on my food plan.

My food plan isn’t restrictive at all. I mean, I have no sugar or flour, but it’s not calorie restricted. I *never* think overeating or bingeing is okay.

I really try to allow my emotions but I clearly seem unable to. I binged today and can’t stand the way I feel so much that I feel like I can’t even focus enough to do pretty much anything. I’m just stuck in thought loops and obsessively trying to figure out “what I’m doing wrong” so I can end this cycle.

I really don’t want to spend my entire life trying to lose weight. I’m barely even overweight, but I’d like to lose like, 12lbs. But no matter what I try, I JUST can’t do it.

Is it possible that I just can’t do this? Does this only work for general overeaters who need more “education” on how to stop overeating? I feel like I have been trying for years and I JUST can’t get it. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, and part of me wants so badly to just stop trying, since I seem happier when I don’t go on the scale. But I know it’s just my brain making me miserable, but still, I just can’t help it. I step on the scale and it’s higher – I have a reaction. If it’s lower, I have a different reaction. I honestly can’t neutralize it, I’ve tried 8 million times.

Is it possible that this just doesn’t work for me???