Eating off protocol and ignoring myself


I got home from work today and totally ate off protocol. I allowed taxes owed, unexpected bills, wrestling with resistance around shifting my story at work and my money fear around all of this throw me off. Instead of allowing the urge and processing the emotions, I just ate. I was so aware that this was a temporary fix and this is an all too familiar cycle and proving that I don’t stick to things, don’t trust myself and don’t honor my commitments which of course created the feeling of shame and aggravation. These beliefs are not creating the feelings I need to make the changes that I need to make to get the ship sailing straight so to speak. I commit to me, I believe in me, I have my own back, I can do this sound so good in theory but I don’t believe them yet. I worked through these models but am looking for thoughts on bridging the gap from where I am to where I want to be. It feels foreign and like a big stretch.

c: preparing dinner after work
t: I can’t deal with this
f: sad
a: ate off protocol, ate standing up, didn’t pay attention to portions, ate sugar, ate quickly, was freaking out internally about money stuff
r: Buffered, stayed stuck in a familiar but unhelpful cycle and don’t deal with my schedule and what I had planned and creating actions needed to deal with finances, my weight goal etc.

c: preparing dinner after work
t: This is all part of the learning process
f: curious
a: sit down and do a download, am a bit more compassionate instead of chastising, coach myself, allow myself to connect to myself.
r: learn and grow and recommit again