Embracing others disappointment model help


An area I feel I really need to grow in is my desire (normally at my expense) to avoid disappointing my adult children. I can see how I’ve tied up the idea that good moms don’t disappoint their children. Even though I know this intellectually to be untrue I can see how I don’t fully accept it emotionally. Learning to accept the discomfort is not something I’m great at and so here I am in SCS.

UM:
C: Been requested to do xyz (could be any number of things that’s why I’m keeping it vague)
T: I’m going to disappoint her if I say no
F: anxious
A: lots of mind drama, get in her model, avoid her so I don’t have to answer, buffer, lose sleep, guilt myself for wanting to say no
R: I disappoint myself

I get stuck with the IM on the “disappointing other people” issue. My thoughts feel more like “screw you” (is: disappointment is part of life, I don’t have control over what or how she thinks) versus compassion and understanding for both of us which is what I’ve striving for.

IM:
C: Been requested to do xyz (could be any number of things that’s why I’m keeping it vague)
T:
F: content
A:
R:

This is a continuous model that I could really uses some input on. Thanks in advance for helping me!