Emotion Engines


Random share. In my gym, there’s a rather long walk from the front of the gym to the locker rooms – which I call “The Gauntlet”. All of the cardio equipment faces this path – so when you walk down it, everyone on that equipment can watch you. (I almost said “everyone DOES watch you”, but that’s my thought, not a fact). Anyway – in the past, I’ve taken a detour behind these machines to avoid the anxiety I feel when I walk in front of them. But since SCS, I make a point to always walk “The Gauntlet” (in front of the machines). And the more I don’t want to walk it, the more I make sure I do. Today, I didn’t want to. But I said, “I’m going to walk The Gauntlet so I can feel all of the anxiety out there on that path.”

And then a lightbulb. There is no anxiety out there. It’s a gym. It’s a floor. It’s equipment. It’s humans. It’s stairclimbers. I looked at all of it and thought… there’s NO emotions out there at all. Not in the cracks or the crevices. Nowhere. Not ONE single emotion. And then I thought… “OMG! There’s not ANY emotion in the ENTIRE WORLD! There’s literally NO WHERE on the planet where I could go and FIND an emotion. It’s just all cars and buildings and animals and humans and air and sunshine, but no emotions.”

And like a big “duh” moment that I knew logically – but is sinking in experientially – I realized — Oh, I’ve just got a little personal “emotion engine” in my brain, whirring along, popping out emotions for me to feel from my thoughts… and so do the rest of these humans here… and we’re just living in a world of things and stuff and atoms and whatnot… but NO emotions. Our little internal “emotion engines” whir away, turning thoughts into feelings, and let us internally experience an emotion we may ATTRIBUTE to something “out there” (dog, accident, news, etc.) – but it’s not “out there”. It’s my little non-stop emotion engine… whirring away, adding meaning to things, producing the next emotion… and the next… and the next…

Weirdly, that felt good. Because “The Gauntlet” no longer felt like a gauntlet. But just a path of tile. And the humans felt like humans. and the gym felt like a building with equipment. And I felt like a human with a brain and thoughts and an emotion engine. And that felt good. 🙂

Just a quick share. xoxo