Emotional Abuse

I have listened to your pod casts/ talks / Q&A about loving your husband for just being himself as a person to love. I have been emotionally abused by my husband for over 10 years. The abuse really started after our first child was born. The silent treatment is his favorite way for him to shut me out. Typically, he won’t even tell me why he is mad or why he stopped talking to me. He will just start talking to me again a few days later like nothing was wrong. I have needed to walk on egg shells around him due to his temper. He is very large and can be quite intimidating with is size (6’6″ – 270#) and his deep voice. It is very scary to be on the receiving end when he has an angry out burst.
We typically don’t argue over anything any more as I can’t take his possible reaction. Four out of 5 weeknights he doesn’t come home until after 9:30 pm. Sometimes, as late as midnight. The night he is home, I am out with the kids for their activity. On the weekends, he is out with friends or does some type of sport. He will take the kids for a walk on the weekend but doesn’t want me to go with them.
It is hard to have any type of loving relationship with someone who is absent and won’t let me in. How do I love someone who blames me for his problems and emotionally abuses me? I haven’t been able to figure this out with any model I have tried. Thank you.