Emotional childhood


My relationship has always been a bit volatile and we have split up a number of times, but during my 1.5 years with Brooke things have been vastly better. But I still feel I am in emotional childhood when we have a fight and I just instantly want to pack it in, run and hide when we have a disagreement –I do not know how to disagree with him without a fight. Say for example he wants to look at a new house that is for sale, I love our house and our neighbourhood and I don’t want to look at a new one. He is mad, says we only do what I want to do and then berates me and we don’t talk all day. I understand his right to look/buy a new house but I also understand my desire to stay put. I have looked at many many houses with him and I feel this is his way of buffering (we are both newly retired). If I go with him, and he likes it, it will open a new can of worms and new fights and I am tired of doing that. This is just an example, he often feels that when I disagree with him, I am being controlling and ‘bossy.’
I don’t know how to not be ‘bossy’ but still not do something I don’t want to do. My models:
c potential new house
t I am already embarrassed about how nice our house is
f dread of the fight that is coming
a avoid the conversation
r eventually a fight

c potential new house
t he wants a new house, worst case scenario is a beautiful new house, it won’t kill me to make him happy
f resigned
a look at new house
r only one of us is happy

I want to look at my actions and stubbornness but I don’t see any result here for me but to ‘give in’ and the only way to stand my ground will lead to us both acting like children.