Emotional manipulation by my husband?


Brooke–
I’ve been really struggling to coach myself on this one. I’m the Rebecca who lost my son to suicide 6 years ago unexpectedly. I love where I’ve come to since then, but my husband has not done much of the work that I have so he seems stuck (I realize I’m judging that). I’ve been trying to do models and need help on what actions I should take….

C He says he’s going to kill himself
T Is he serious or just wants to hurt me?
F fear
A I tell him he needs to go see his therapist
R I feel I’m doing everything I can to help him, I can’t control his behavior

(I’m not sure about the result in the last model…he is resistant to see his therapist because “it costs money”)

Another one:
C He says he’s going to kill himself.
T Is he serious or just trying to hurt me?
F Anger
A argue with him about why he won’t listen to more coaching calls with me or see his therapist
R Disconnected from him

That model seems more like what happens already.

Here’s another one that happens
C My husband says he doesn’t believe that he’ll ever be able to have a positive thought about our son’s suicide
T He needs to listen to a Byron Katie video that I have watched that was helpful
F caring and loving
A Send him the link to the video
R I did what I could to help regardless of what he thinks of it or whether he watches it

I did do the above action actually, and it led to him once again saying that this work is about tricking people into “thinking positive” about things like suicide deaths. Then I argued about why I’d rather live the rest of my life choosing happiness and creating a life I love than feeling angry and full of blame…what good would that do? And what example does it show our children?

Then we argued about the work I do in my coaching practice which is about dealing with the thoughts so we can find better feelings and move forward to creating more happiness for those who have had these kinds of tragedies.

Of course, now I get all in the drama of it and feel like he doesn’t support my business (again…I did have coaching from you around that issue) and the thought that if he can never even see how this work could help him to heal, how can I continue on in a business I have so much faith in that can help so many to heal from their pain when my husband can’t even see how it can help him?

If you were dealing with a spouse that was saying he was going to kill himself, what would you do about it? It’s not something to ignore…we have the experience that proves it can happen even if you never thought it was something that would happen in your family….and I do know I can’t force him to go to therapy, or coaching, or watch LCS coaching calls, etc.

I need to keep my head so I can continue building my coaching business.

Thanks so much, Brooke.