End of marriage?


I had an affair on and off for 2 years. It ended 2 years ago when my husband found out. Since then, he has been unwilling to move on. He stays with me for the kids he says. But he makes no effort to live in harmony most of the time. He constantly punishes me by ignoring me or insulting me, calling me a slut and a whore. He is suspicious of every single thing i do, and reads my texts messages via icloud on his laptop everyday. Sometimes things are ok and not strained. But much of the time I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Up to this point I’ve wanted to stay together for the kids (he would move to his home country and not see them regularly if we got divorced) and because I rely on him to take care of the kids since i have an erratic schedule. But more and more i feel like i don’t want to live this way. I’m having a hard time processing this. Is him calling me names and lashing out verbally a boundary violation? I guess i violated his boundary of being unfaithful, so I deserve this/this is the consequence? I get the concept of not leaving a marriage until you can be happy in it, but im not even to the point of wanting to be happy with him yet. Thanks for your help.