Enjoying being me

I was listening to the video on how to enjoy being you and I realized I actually love being me when no one else is around. I have no trouble being alone, I get things accomplished, I don’t criticize myself, worry about my looks, age, brains, degree, bank account. It’s my idea of heaven being alone in my house.

However, when anyone else is around I notice I get very stressed. I worry about the account from my husband’s point of view, I worry about how I look if I’m going out, I dread being on video, I think I need to be better at parenting, I’m embarrassed I didn’t graduate college.

I am rarely aware of these thoughts alone, and generally only buffer, overeat, overdrink, overspend, scroll social media if I have had interactions with other people. My thought is frequently something like, “great, someone else to disappoint, someone else who’s going to say something mean, judge my appearance, my parenting, my financial management, my education,” etc.

I like having a family and friends, or at least I think I do, but I feel so tense when other humans are around. Maybe I don’t. Why is it so hard to enjoy being me around others, when I feel perfectly good enough by myself?