Enough Is Enough

I became aware of a long-standing issue listening to Brooke talk about overdesire. The trigger was an old relationship in my life … and even though I left the relationship because it was so unhealthy, I carried a torch for years. I saw this morning how I didn’t want to give up that overdesire, and when I asked myself why, the thought that came immediately was that I wasn’t enough. I saw how this permeated many other areas of my life as well. I’ve dreamed of a movement for years, but haven’t gotten anywhere. I suspect because it’s over-the-top and I believe, on some level, it will prove my value. With this knowledge, I can revisit it with more knowing.

Here’s my unintentional model. I’d love some additional insight.

C: Awareness as Brooke talked about overdesire
T: I’m not enough
F: Subhuman
A: (Do) Hide. Keep busy, but not at anything that feels fulfilling. Buffer with TV. Plan a lot (but don’t follow-through so much). Dream of creating over-the-top things but rarely do anything about my ideas. Compare myself to others. Judge myself harshly.
(Don’t) Separate my value as a human from my accomplishments (or perceived lack thereof). Cut myself some slack.
R: I can never do enough.

Intentional model (I began with the feeling):

C: Awareness as Brooke talked about overdesire
T: I’m 100% me.
F: Valuable
A: (Do) I follow my desire — the expressway to the heart of me. Trust myself. Believe that I, and everyone else, have value separate from what we do and what we have.
(Don’t) Waste my precious time thinking I have anything to prove, talk myself into things I’d rather not do because I think it’s “right”.
R: An abundantly rich inner world.