Entitled about paying for college pt. 2

Following up from my post about feeling entitled because my parents “should have paid for college, not me”

I did some more work on it, dug a little deeper, and here’s what I found.

C: I self funded my college tuition; my parents did not fund my college education
T: They must not have loved me.
F: Sad
• Disconnect from them emotionally
• Cut off myself from feeling love the F of love toward them
• Identified as the victim in my sob story I would play over and over in my head
• Tell people my sob story
• Resist feeling sad
• Buffer away the pain/disconnect from myself and my emotions by overeating, over-drinking, perfectionism, over-sexing, and over-porn-ing
• I don’t hold the space for my pain to process

• I don’t love myself.
• I don’t allow myself to have a close relationship with them.

I’ve already started questioning this thought, and I know there is no way of knowing whether or not they did or didn’t love me, so there’s no technical way I could have known whether they did or didn’t (they probably did, let’s be honest), and what would happen if I let go of this story? What would happen if I believed the opposite? I’m going to sit with sad for a while, but wanted to get a coach’s perspective on my model. Thanks coaches.